Excess Attention: Poly and Picky

I want a tattoo that says "I may be poly. That doesn't mean I'm into you." (Though a shirt might be a better choice.)

I sent that tweet recently because I have been getting a lot more attention lately than I am used to.

Oh, there are reasons:

  1. I write about sex. (I've always written about sex and talked about sex, but at this point I write about sex publicly rather than for a few close friends.)
  2. And it's the Internet. And we all know people have very different ideas of what proper behaviors are on the Internet.
  3. And I'm a flirt.
  4. I enjoy attention, especially from strong women (butch, femme, or other) who are sure of themselves. So on some level, I encourage them to find my boundaries on their own—with the understanding that I will let them know when they've hit one.

None of that means I want to have sex with everyone. Really. Believe it or not, I probably don't want to have sex with you. In fact, even if I talk directly to you about sex, it doesn't mean I'm thinking about sleeping (or not sleeping) with you. I talk about sex because it's my favorite topic of conversation. Sure it can be foreplay, but when that happens the woman I'm talking with is in on the game. Typically, it's small talk. (Yeah, there's another reason I don't hang out at PTA meetings.)

As a woman on the Internet, there's more to it. I'm lucky. In the fifteen years I've been visible on the web as a woman, I've never gotten a threatening message (this isn't an invitation for one, thank-you-very-much). I've only had ridiculously creepy guys try to get more personal information than I'm willing to give—which is more of a matter of laughter than worry on my part. I don't have men sending me pictures of their cocks (though, ladies... you're welcome to—see what I did there? I think we're on reason #3, though it could be #4, with a hint of #1).

So, if I'm writing about sex assume I'm writing what I want to, and nothing more. If I'm talking about sex, assume I'm making conversation (since politics and religion are bad topics, in general). If I'm flirting, assume I like flirting. And if you're interested, feel free to ask politely and directly—with the understanding that I may not be.

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