So You've Found the Perfect™ Girl

But they can't stand around like their hetero kin
simply waiting for somebody else to begin.
And so my advice to gay sheep as they graze:
to woo lesbian ewes, use less motionless ways.
from: “The Problem of Lesbian Sheep” by Howard A. Landman

You’ve found someone shiny to go out with on a date, but you haven’t asked her. You’re crushing, hard. Maybe you’re thinking about the wedding. Maybe you want to have her gaybies. Maybe you’re thinking about sex. Maybe she’s giving you potentially meaningful glances from across the bar (or gluten-free-whole-food-vegan cafe). It doesn’t matter.

Becoming Dominant (part 1): the decision

I woke up one day and decided that I wanted to top. It was easy really.


liriope answered your question: Ideas?
What is your optimality criterion for living? (i.e., what is your main goal in life?)

Mainly, my goal is to love and be loved with integrity. My life really does revolve around love and sex, and I am okay with that.

Polyamorous Introvert

One of the biggest challenges in polyamory is scheduling. I made a joke a while back that sex only happens if you put it in google calendar a week in advance. (In case you're wondering, that's not true. Sleep doesn't happen, because I choose sex over sleep, every time.)

Successful Relationships

When I talk about polyamory, I often get told something along the lines of "that's fine in theory, but it's too unstable. There's no way to have a successful relationship like that."

Let's leave aside the many people who do have long term polyamorous relationships. They exist, but as far as I can tell that's beside the point. Let's talk instead about what a successful relationship is.

Not every relationship needs to follow the happily-ever-after paradigm. Getting married is not the end goal of every relationship. That doesn't mean that those relationships that end at some point are less successful. My most successful relationships have been ones which only lasted a few months or a few years. We communicated, we shared our time and our selves, and we loved without reservation. To me, that's success.

I don't need every relationship to end in a co-mingling of households. I don't want to live with everyone I fall in love with. I can appreciate them for who they are, for how we interact, and for how they love me. In many ways that's easier when we know there isn't going to be a white picket fence at the end.

All of that comes with communication, shared understanding, love, and empathy. That is what makes a successful relationship, not necessarily years or shared living space.

Distance and Polyamory: the good days

I'm not a fan of distance relationships, though I do find myself in them (it's not my fault that all of my favorite people live in fucking Narnia).

That said, I had an amazing day yesterday. I didn't leave my house, but I got to spend time talking with both of my girlfriends on the phone and over text.

It was one of those days where I got to appreciate all that is right with my relationships. I got to spend happy alone time with each of them, laughing and loving, being and enjoying. I was able to say to one, "hey, Lion wants to talk to me, I miss her and really want to talk to her. Would you mind if I went away now?" And everything was fine and happy.

These are the good days.