2012: A review of the tempest

This year was busy. Even if I just stick with the relationship stuff.

  • Sweetie broke up with me. I still have no idea what happened.
  • I got into a triad relationship with Ink and Fangirl, it lasted about a month. It just didn't work out.
  • Lion and I got together. That's going well, though I would love to have more time with her.
  • Straight Ex Wife moved out. It is so nice to have my own space.
  • I started dating Bree. Holy fuck that's incredible.
  • I dated Carleen for a few weeks.
  • I got together with Corvid. That's still new, but very good.
  • Bree came to visit. It was an amazing time together and she will be moving here in a few months.

But wait... I also put out a few books.

A busy and good year. Here's to another one next year.

[short] Not Yet

Copyright © 2012 Olivia Dromen

I pull the black nitrile glove onto my hand. We don’t use them often with each other—it’s not how we do things—but when we do it means something. Sometimes it means “I’m not myself tonight.” if I put them on. It can mean I’m more detached, or maybe it means that I plan on being rougher and don’t want to worry about nicking her with my nails, no matter how short they are. It always means that it’s going to be an intense scene.

[short] Feast

Copyright © 2012 Olivia Dromen

I’ve collapsed in a rumpled heap on the damp, leaf covered earth. Mistress and her dark-haired friend are standing over me, looking down over my bloody, beaten body. I feel fantastic, riding the wave of endorphins and orgasms. I start to come back to earth, getting ready to give up the freeing, floating feeling.

Mistress hooks a finger in the ring on my collar and jerks me to my knees. “Get up, fucktoy. It’s time to go inside. We have a feast to prepare.”

[short] Prey

Copyright © 2012 Olivia Dromen

I’m breathing heavily. We haven’t even started and sweat is dripping down my back. I haven’t even started moving. Mistress is somewhere nearby, but I don’t know where. She said she’d have friends with her. I haven’t seen them, yet. I’m sure they will find me, though. I shiver at the thought, my bare skin puckering up as my hair stands on end. Excitement and fear building in me.

[short] Ferocity

Copyright © 2012 Olivia Dromen

She’s coming on so strong that I take a step back—into the wall. Not that I really want to get away, but I do enjoy her being hampered a bit. I suppose we’ll just have to see what happens next. I smile wide, laughing.

Changing relationship models?

There's been a lot of discussion among my friends about this article on how to treat non-primary partners, and I realized a few things about my own relationship model and how it's changed.

That's too much: consent and risk

If you follow my tumblr, you know that I value consent.

Wait. Let's take a moment and look at that. Nowhere in this world should that even have to be questioned. Everyone should value consent and seek to secure informed consent before doing anything that will impact another—whether we're talking about sex or kink. If I feel the need to preface my remarks like that, our society is broken.

Enough of the rant. The point I was trying to get to is that there are things that everyone can agree are fine so long as the people involved are consenting adults: spankings, light bondage, blindfolds, sensation play, love bites… you get the idea. These are the things that come up in conversations about "spicing things up" in the bedroom.

Then there's what I do. I push limits. I like to see blood and play with it (there's a name for that). I enjoy causing pain for its own sake—real pain (there's a word for that, too). I like tears (guess what?) and sobbing. I enjoy seeing my playmates broken—and having them know how much I care about them and love them.

But it's not abuse—if not from a legal perspective, at least from my perspective (and the perspective of anyone I'm playing with). My partners know what they're getting into, they know the risks—and they've said they want it. I'm not going on guesswork or making assumptions about what I think they'd love. I'm not deciding everything for them even if it is that kind of relationship—we've talked about hard limits and soft limits, we play with safewords.

Consent is why I don't do kink with people who can't tell me exactly what they want at least once, in enough detail that I know where their limits are.

So if you're a top (because this is much less of an issue for bottoms), consider the position you're putting your bottom in. If you're hitting that emotional point where they are breaking, they are not able to make decisions anymore. If their body is flooded with endorphins, there's no way you should be pushing past a hard limit or doing something that wasn't negotiated.

I'm all for edge play, but keep it respectful—your partners are people, too.

[short] Kitty and Toy

Copyright © 2012 Olivia Dromen

I gently lower Kitty’s bound body into the corner, sitting her up against the wall so she has a clear view of the bed. I pet her head and let her kiss my hand. She doesn’t really know what’s coming next.

“Enjoy the show, pet.”

[short] Drop

Copyright © 2012 Olivia Dromen

I stretch my fingers out around her throat. I’m not tightening my grip, just giving her a hint of pressure. Her whole body trembles as she stands there, naked with her feet apart slightly, her hands clenched at her sides.

More on Costumes

Remember my post about costumes?

I've completely changed my mind. I want to dress up as a goddess and be worshiped.

Let's start with this:


It's that time of year again when all the kids (and many adults) dress up in costumes. It's fun and it's magical. We get to be someone else for the day.


For the last few years—since my last marriage started falling apart completely—I have been in relationships with a few women.

For some definition of 'few' that is between six and a dozen.

Difficult Conversations

You might have the impression from my essay on fears that I embrace the things that scare me most in relationships. I try to. It saves me so much grief down the road.

I do my best to tackle the difficult conversations as soon as I am sure I probably need to. For instance, there are the conversations with people who are crushing on me where I tell them "you're nice" and "I don't think it would be a good idea," "I don't feel the same way," or "I'm not into guys." Those are pretty routine at this point (it's hard to believe that a few years ago I had no experience with turning anyone down).

Other times the outcome matters more. I really want them to still like me and continue in whatever relationship we have—or move on to bigger and better things with me. Maybe I'm asking someone to move in with me, or to start a relationship, or talking about concerns in a relationship. Maybe I'm telling her that I react by feeling hurt by what she's doing and we need to talk about what's going on. The point is, these are the conversations that grow relationships. These are the ones that allow it to keep going as a healthy relationship and not a spiral of misunderstandings and fears. Without the important, difficult conversations—and regular check-ins—it's hard to gauge how a relationship is going—even if the sex is amazing.

I run to the big, bad, scary conversations because that's the only way to keep going toward the wonderful ones.


Today I had a brief jealousy flail.

It happens to all of us. Someone we want to spend time with makes other plans. For me, it happens most when I expect to have time with one of my girlfriends and she's not available.


Sometimes our relationships are shaped by fears. Sometimes it's the fear of abandonment or the fear of not being able to have what you really want. Yesterday was a bad day for my fears.

So You've Found the Perfect™ Girl

But they can't stand around like their hetero kin
simply waiting for somebody else to begin.
And so my advice to gay sheep as they graze:
to woo lesbian ewes, use less motionless ways.
from: “The Problem of Lesbian Sheep” by Howard A. Landman

You’ve found someone shiny to go out with on a date, but you haven’t asked her. You’re crushing, hard. Maybe you’re thinking about the wedding. Maybe you want to have her gaybies. Maybe you’re thinking about sex. Maybe she’s giving you potentially meaningful glances from across the bar (or gluten-free-whole-food-vegan cafe). It doesn’t matter.

Becoming Dominant (part 1): the decision

I woke up one day and decided that I wanted to top. It was easy really.


liriope answered your question: Ideas?
What is your optimality criterion for living? (i.e., what is your main goal in life?)

Mainly, my goal is to love and be loved with integrity. My life really does revolve around love and sex, and I am okay with that.

Polyamorous Introvert

One of the biggest challenges in polyamory is scheduling. I made a joke a while back that sex only happens if you put it in google calendar a week in advance. (In case you're wondering, that's not true. Sleep doesn't happen, because I choose sex over sleep, every time.)

Successful Relationships

When I talk about polyamory, I often get told something along the lines of "that's fine in theory, but it's too unstable. There's no way to have a successful relationship like that."

Let's leave aside the many people who do have long term polyamorous relationships. They exist, but as far as I can tell that's beside the point. Let's talk instead about what a successful relationship is.

Not every relationship needs to follow the happily-ever-after paradigm. Getting married is not the end goal of every relationship. That doesn't mean that those relationships that end at some point are less successful. My most successful relationships have been ones which only lasted a few months or a few years. We communicated, we shared our time and our selves, and we loved without reservation. To me, that's success.

I don't need every relationship to end in a co-mingling of households. I don't want to live with everyone I fall in love with. I can appreciate them for who they are, for how we interact, and for how they love me. In many ways that's easier when we know there isn't going to be a white picket fence at the end.

All of that comes with communication, shared understanding, love, and empathy. That is what makes a successful relationship, not necessarily years or shared living space.

Distance and Polyamory: the good days

I'm not a fan of distance relationships, though I do find myself in them (it's not my fault that all of my favorite people live in fucking Narnia).

That said, I had an amazing day yesterday. I didn't leave my house, but I got to spend time talking with both of my girlfriends on the phone and over text.

It was one of those days where I got to appreciate all that is right with my relationships. I got to spend happy alone time with each of them, laughing and loving, being and enjoying. I was able to say to one, "hey, Lion wants to talk to me, I miss her and really want to talk to her. Would you mind if I went away now?" And everything was fine and happy.

These are the good days.

My polyamory: relationship anarchy

I don't tell my partners who they should or shouldn't date or fuck. I expect the same courtesy. When I am giving someone time and attention, I focus on her (or them).

I love the feeling of having a relationship develop organically without feeling the need to protect an established relationship based on its perceived importance. I don't have a hierarchy of relationships, but some are closer to my heart than others—some will hurt more when they end.

Savages: A poly love story

Twitter has been abuzz about Savages, and about polyamory as a result. Last night I went out to see it for myself. I really enjoyed the movie and would have even if it wasn't a mushy poly love story (with guns, sex, and violence).

So go see it if you like action movies, especially drug war action movies with kidnapping. (Skip it if that's not your thing, though.)

Not giving anything away, the movie is centered on a polyamorous vee (with two men and one woman, presumably the men were not romantically involved with each other).

What they got right:

  • How weird a poly relationship can feel when you are new. There were a few instances when the narrator, O, talked about how strange and "wrong" it is.
  • How strong the bond between metamours can be.
  • The ways metamours accommodate each other (within the first few minutes, Chon "goes on a swim" to give Ben and O alone time together).
  • The amount of love that poly relationships can have.

I had some problems with the characters, but I think overall the polyamory elements were handled honestly, truthfully, and tenderly.

There are so many things that aren't shown, but that's the nature of movies. It isn't visually appealing to get into time management or communicating about jealousy (with an aim to get rid of the jealousy rather than start a fight that ends one or more relationships).

The movie left me feeling all sorts of warm and fuzzy about their relationship, though, and that's pretty awesome and rare in an action flick.

Excerpt (another sex scene)

One of the few sex scenes from my upcoming fantasy novel.

Copyright © 2012 Olivia Dromen

Iona smiled. “I'm sure you will. Won't that get you in some trouble?”

“Only if I want to go home.”

“You could always come stay with me.”

Aronne could not tell if she was making a joke, so she replied lightly, “Sure I could. After all, I don't really have anything waiting for me back in Moran.”

Iona's eyes tightened a bit. “I was serious…” She smiled and held out her hand to Aronne, placing it lightly on the table in front of her. “I guess I just wanted to let you know how much your… support… has come to mean to me.”

Excerpt (sex scene)

One of the few sex scenes from my upcoming fantasy novel.

Copyright © 2012 Olivia Dromen

Iona's back hit the carved stone wall with enough force to push a gasp out of her. Aronne pressed hard against her chest, their tongues tasting each other's mouths. Aronne's knee slid between Iona's, spreading her legs slightly. Iona could feel the warmth of her lover's sex pressing against her thigh even through her thick braies.

Aronne broke the kiss. “I need you.”

Sex Dreams

Under normal circumstances, I don't dream about sex. I used to go for six or eight months at a time without having a sex dream. Lately, it's been every few nights.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. This morning's dream was wonderful right up until I was woken up by my loud neighbors. In fact, I was so caught up in it that I was very confused about where I was at first. I had my hand on the sexy dream woman's pussy and suddenly I was in my bed.

It's disappointing.

I can't get my head in the game

Breakups are hard on everyone. For me, this one is especially so because she is someone I care about so deeply that I was thinking we'd have a very long run together. Obviously, she didn't think so.

There really isn't much else to say other than I can't write smut at the moment. I'll be back as soon as I can.

Style and description

When I started writing smut for public consumption, I made the decision to interfere with the reader's pleasure as little as possible. For that rule, all things flow.

In my shorts, I don't draw detailed descriptions of characters for my readers. I don't want someone to get halfway into my stories and then realize the character they were imagining as their perfect goddess has short brown hair instead of long, straight black hair. I don't want whether she's big or small, tall or short to matter. I want you my readers to enjoy yourselves with your own fantasies inserted into a scene. I want to add motion to whoever makes your palms (or other parts) tingle.

I just thought you should know that I'm always thinking of you.

Excess Attention: Poly and Picky

I want a tattoo that says "I may be poly. That doesn't mean I'm into you." (Though a shirt might be a better choice.)

I sent that tweet recently because I have been getting a lot more attention lately than I am used to.


Over on "Can I help you, sir?" there's a new post about things we like about ourselves. It said:

Okay, it’s your turn. What are five things you love about yourself and never want to change? No disclaimers, either.

Challenge accepted.


I'm Polyamorous

Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

From Wikipedia: Polyamory

When I first started dating for real I intensely wanted to date these three young women who were close friends (one of them turned out to be the first woman I would marry, Jessica*). I crushed on them all relatively equally (in my mind I wanted to date them together and separately). I didn't end up dating all of them, but the idea stuck with me.

Date Prep

Because Barbara asked: what do butches do differently to prepare for a date?

I can't really answer that. I did talk a bit about what I do, though.

My original answer (over twitter) was “I shower, shave, lotion, hair, try on 4 outfits, choose first one (usually), makeup, scent. start to finish… 40 min – 2 hrs”

I obviously didn’t say everything in that tweet.

Things I missed:

I share my apartment, so I generally don’t have a date over.

I think of eyebrows and nails as general maintenance. I keep my brows neat and my nails short and smooth. In the summer I polish my toes. I don’t polish my fingers (a habit I picked up working in kitchens).

Valentine's Day

I don't do Valentine's Day. Not because of some political reason—I am absolutely infatuated with love in all of its forms—or because I'm bitter and alone—I haven't been unpartnered on Valentine's Day since 1990.

The monosyllable: what's your favorite?

My current favorite alternate word for 'vulva':


"female intercrural foramen," or, as some 18c. writers refer to it, "the monosyllable," M.E. cunte "female genitalia," akin to O.N. kunta, from P.Gmc. *kunton, of uncertain origin. Some suggest a link with L. cuneus "wedge," others to PIE base *geu- "hollow place," still others to PIE *gwen-, root of queen and Gk. gyne "woman." The form is similar to L. cunnus "female pudenda" (also, vulgarly, "a woman"), which is likewise of disputed origin, perhaps lit. "gash, slit," from PIE *sker- "to cut," or lit. "sheath," from PIE *kut-no-, from base *(s)keu- "to conceal, hide." First known reference in English is said to be c.1230 Oxford street name Gropecuntlane (attested through late 14c.), presumably a haunt of prostitutes. Avoided in public speech since 15c.; considered obscene since 17c.

From Online Etymology Dictionary

I absolutely adore that it could derive from the proto-Indo-European root for queen.

So, what's your favorite word or phrase?

My (oddly specific) dating rules

  1. It's not a walk of shame, it's a victory lap.
  2. The lesbian sheep dance may actually refer to sheep, but humans do it too. Remember that someone has to take action and it might as well be you. After all, it's a lot less fun to sit around staring at your hands than it is to be kissing.

A question for my readers

By now you probably have an idea of what I like. One of the advantages of writing these shorts—and I am working on longer pieces, by the way—is that I can experiment.

Not that I'm running out of ideas, but what kind of shorts do you want? What's your favorite fantasy? Give me a prompt or ask for something specific to be included in my next queer erotica pieces. I'm easy and eager to please.

I'll take prompts/requests in the comments here, by email, facebook, or tweet to @wordscanbesexy.

In public

Yesterday I was doing it in public. Writing, I mean. Out at a Barnes & Noble near me where I could plug the laptop in and suck on a coffee while I tip-tapped away at a story.

It was hot, and I don't mean temperature. The piece went well—you'll see it Friday—and it left me squirming on the hard chair. And by squirming, I mean wishing I wasn't in public because I needed some personal time (or, better yet, some time with Sweetie).

Hopefully it will leave all of you happy and squirmy, too.