Becoming Dominant (part 3): submission

When your partner drops into submission, it is unmistakable. All of the worries from when they gave you freedom to do something to their body are magnified because now they want to please you, to make you happy by doing whatever you want.

Of course, if you push too far beyond their comfort zone you run the risk of bringing them up out of subspace. If you try to push past their hard limits, of course, you sir or ma’am are a massive douchecanoe (among other choice words). You’ve moved past consent so whatever you are doing could be assault of one form or another (even if your partner looks like they are enjoying it at the moment—remember, they are high on their body chemistry right now and can’t make decisions). Hopefully they will safeword and give you a talking to, but it is still your job to respect their wishes.

Yes, there are times when it is absolutely appropriate to push a sub out of their comfort zone. Your role may be to encourage them or to train them. Either way, you are working toward something they agreed to out of scene (even if it was six months ago). In fact, part of what makes dominance and submission such a wonderful thing is that you can move them out of their comfort zone, you can watch them react to the internal struggle between “I don’t think I want to do that” and “It will be so hot.”

Submission is a gift. Respect that and realize that in addition to the potential power to hurt your partner you have the power to help them be more than they ever thought possible. Cherish and value that gift if you accept it.

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