Becoming Dominant (part 2): the first gift

The first gift I was given as a top was the gift to freely do what I wanted to. After discussing what that meant, of course. She said I could tie her up and hit her lightly. It was amazing to realize that kind of power exchange, that freedom.

The gift can take many forms when a bottom gives it to a top. Maybe it’s the ability to take away their freedom of movement so the top can do other things (like sex, sensation play, or inflict pain). Maybe it’s permission to cause pain or to take on a bossy role verbally. Maybe it’s something so simple that it would go unnoticed in a vanilla context—but because the top has asked for this boon (they asked, right?) it now has a special significance.

When a bottom gives this gift to you, as a top, use it wisely. It is the gift of trust, of vulnerability. You may have worries about whether you can do what they want (or maybe you’re worried that you’ll stop when the time comes—some of us like to be a bit rough, after all). That’s okay. Your worries are valid, but likely unnecessary. You know when to stop—you’ve discussed safewords and know when you might hurt your partner and are looking out for it. You are giving them your undivided attention. The bottom, on the other hand, may have very real worries that you may damage them or do something they haven’t agreed to. They are the ones letting go. It is your job to respect that, to cherish the gift they give you, to value the time and attention.

And if you can get them to give you the second gift—submission—so much the better for everyone.

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